Reigning Champs

Reigning Cutest Baby Champ:

Miles.

Reigning Music Played In The Lobby Of Hell:

The Tired, Diseased Genre of the Jam Band. My mom was right. The devil does have angels working here on earth. They make me want to commit murder. Postman style. Sometimes I dream about it then wake up in sweats and tears of joy. Then I walk into the kitchen and drink Drano.

Reigning TV show: Supergroup on VH1. Honorable Mention: Behind the Music of Nick Lachey.

Reigning Acts Which Perhaps Should Have Gone Down In A Blazing Plane Crash Or Alcohol-Induced-Vomit-Choke-Death In Order To Preserve A Small smidgen Of Dignity And Artistic Integrity: The rest of Lynyrd Skynyrd. The rest of queen. Paul Rodgers. Tool. (I tried to give this more listens by leaving it in my car stereo; here are some statements overheard: "What the hell is going ON? Do something! Start a song already! I get it! You're artistic! But when will you give me the rockage? I would cry right now if my dead, black soul would allow it!") Dave Navarro. Anthony Kiedis. Ted Nugent. (Not to save any non-existent integrity, of course, but so I could see an actual talented lead guitar player on Supergroup. Like Steve Howe or Jeff Beck or Steve Vai or Satriani or Nick Lachey.) U2. George Bush.

Reigning Old Rockers Doin' It, Baby!: Neil Young. Staying relevant. Still writing some pretty songs. Wants to impeach the president. All of this while "Rockin in the Free World" is raped by every bar band in the world. Drano, Mr. Young?

Reigning Pop Prince: Nick Lachey. His new album is a touching and sensitive inside look at Nick's tragic personal problems. His unexpected, surprising divorce being among them. I just want to hug him up, ya know? Then we'd go to the gym and sweat it out.

Reigning Incredulous Surreal Moment: David Lee Roth's Tonight Show performance of Van Halen's "Jump". Backed by a bluegrass band. Of any song in the VH catalogue to "rework" bluegrass, "Jump" is the big winner? One would think that if a certain song was acoustified or banjoed-up or hickified or deliveranced, the singer would take a different approach to compensate, but no. Roth belted out sour notes the same as he always didn't. Then I walked to the kitchen and drank Drano.

Reigning Band I Can't Stop Listening To: The Magic Numbers. This is such a great band. Look up their performance on Conan over at youtube. The album is so cool. I listen to it so much but just can't get burned out! It's like magic!

Know what else is magic? You... And Nick.