wax up a skateboard and husk an ear of corn

I know it seems like I haven't posted the usually spellbinding, hilariously sarcastic, brilliant little quips lately, but I sure have been removing them with fervor. Jack Lazer has been comin' roun' these here parts spoutin' off his lil' mouth. suntines e'n cursin' wit dem filthy words. lil' filth mouth.
So, if you had to read those before I removed them, I apologize. I will let you spank me.
Did you come to Phils on Friday? I bet you did cause it was bumpin. It was the bomb diggity. true dat. Crowds of an outstanding, nurturing nature, and bands of a superb quality. Wumpus is the bomb. The KidCrash is the bomb. shoot. mmmhmmm. Kaboom, yo.

Whaa?

I just saw a "you heard it hear first" on MTV about the band "Dropping Daylight," formerly known as "Sue Generis," a band we shared the stage with last year at the Oaks Convention Center. Remember them? they played to a mostly empty room for the other bands that were playing that night. And now they're on MTV. I don't know them personally, I met them, but weird nonetheless. They just seemed like another dime-a-dozen band like a million others and now that loser Jon Norris is interviewing them. Not that I give two shits about MTV, but damn. I am moving up in the world. I personally know all kinds of near-famous people. For example, "Oh My God" had a commercial on MTV which I saw about ten times, which played their music and talked about them. "The Actual" has music on the "Bewitched" soundtrack and are actually seen playing a song in the new Nick Cannon movie, "The Underclassmen," and are playing a couple shows with "Velvet Revolver" pretty soon. And the biggest example of my brushes with the better people came today when some members of "WUMPUS" actually came into the bar I work at!! They even talked to me!! However, when I asked for an autograph, the "lead" singer dude, Barkey, laughed in my face and called me a sissy mama's boy. He then poured his beer on my head and kicked me in the privates. When I fell on the ground in pain, he spit on my face and then took the gum he was chewing and tangled it up in my hair.



IT WAS SO RADICAL!!!

How the D Escaped Del Taco With His Life and a Couple Bean Burritos

tour memoirs:

After the Hi-Pointe show in St. Louis, Lukewarm and I strolled over to Del Taco for a late-night snack. The line was long and filled with drunk retards. In front of our very eyes, a girl stepped right in front of us as if we weren't even there. This is no good. I speak up like any god-fearing, law-abiding American citizen and say, loudly for everyone to hear,
"No cuts, No butts, No sluts."
At this time, in the loud silence which followed, Lukewarm took his cue to quickly make an exit like the swift ninja he is. He wisely left me alone to fend for myself. It's for the best--the cross-fire can get real hairy. By now, retorts from the line-cutter and friends begin to rain upon me like rain. I take a deep breath, cross my eyes, and begin a barrage of insults so supreme and on-point that the three girls started to cry and an elderly man broke his hip.

I also make faces at babies when their mommies aren't watching.

Elbo Room--Chicago

--unless you can't tell, we are totally rockin' right now. I'm pretty sure I'm holding down a diminished 13th chord in the 3rd position with my right hand, while my left is augmenting the root with an altered 5th and substituting Neopolitan 6ths with no regard for traditional voicings! To spin Rameau around in his grave a little more, the Poo is alternating parallel 5ths and 8ths with abandon while accenting tritones on the downbeats!! Hooray!!

totally 

I may kill you if...

you are wearing a train conductor hat.
you are wearing capris and you are a dude.
you are wearing a rhinestone belt.
you play in a band you describe as: "not screamo, not hardcore, not quite emo, but somewhere up my own ass.."
you play in a band y0u can describe in easily defined terminology.
you are a toolbag.
you are sporting a "faux" hawk.
you are a hippie.
you claim not to be a hippie but are obviously living off ma & pa's trust fund and do not own a pair of socks.
you make me listen to your demos. (not that I don't dig it, man, it's just that I want to get a little shut-eye, ya know what I mean? I mean, c'mon, man...shit.)
you make me listen to that one drum break that you did something really cool on...over and over.
you pop your collar.
you are a massive toolbag.

and we're back...

STATS:

gas = $640
towing fees, gas caps, ice, etc. = $167
total monies received from venues rocked silly = $479 ...ouch.
(as people's accents change throughout the country, so does the definition of "gas money" haha)

on the other hand, we booked and played 2 weeks worth of shows around the midwest with no product, press, people, packaging, or promotion (other than our own.
I love alliteration, let it be known.) For a nothin band from podunk land, it can only be considered a success.
Special thanks and a Way to go, Poo! The DIY master. Also thanks to Jon for all yer help and coordination efforts.

juicy details yet to come, stay tuned...