Befriend Me Now...

while you still have a chance. For tomorrow I'll have my gorgeous little mug plastered in the local paper and it will be hard to reach me with my head ballooned to massive proportions. Don't worry current friends, I'll still throw ya a bone every now and then. You can still tell people that you know me. Be aware, however, that this considerate act of kindness on my part is not free--a small royalty fee of $4.99 is required for every instance where you try to make yourself look more important by telling someone that you know me personally, have talked with me before, have sat next to me on the bus, or have used an adjoining urinal whilst I was using the facilities. This is a standard operating cost and nothing to get overworked about. Hey, that's business.
I still like you just as much as I used to pretend that I did. It's just that now I'm a totally famous newspaper celeb who's too busy having meetings with important people to "hang out" with peasant folk.




NOTE: Before you send me hate mail telling me I'm an arrogant jerkface, I would like to state that the words written in the post above are commonly referred to as SARCASM. This is lost on many a folk so I hope this clears things up.
I Love you.